Yeah, that’s a tricky one. I think perhaps your relationship has become a bit unhealthy. It’s quite unusual to break up with someone then stay such good friends with them that you talk to them every day. I mean, once or twice a week I can understand, but every day? Why don’t you two just get back together? Seriously. Your behavior is almost like that of BF / GF - why did you split up in the first place? I know what it’s like, form a guy’s perspective, to be in love with a girl, be her best friend, but have her totally out of reach, as it were. After a while, the pain begins to outweigh the benefits of the friendship: unrequited love can really hurt, I promise you that. Not only that, but the soul tie that such love creates blocks a person from properly forming attachments to someone else. It’s not your fault, per se, other than by keeping up such regular contact you are effectively keeping his feelings of love for you very much alive. I know you enjoy the friendship, and the fact that he loves you - it’s nice to have someone that close, yet not be involved with them: takes a lot of stress of you to “perform” as a GF, right?
My best friend and I talked about this. She knows I love her deeply, and would marry her at the drop of a hat. But she remarked to me a few months ago that it’s a lot easier for her to love me as her friend and enjoy our friendship just as it is, than if we were BF / GF. She noted that it’s easier, much easier, to deal with a friend’s problems and issues and behaviors than a lover’s, because a friend is at a different level. I understood her meaning clearly, and I agree: it’s much easier to love a person, with all their flaws and faults, “from a distance”.
So now that you two aren’t officially an “item”, you may actually find it easier and more enjoyable being with each other, because there are no expectations and responsibilities of a lover attached. Of course, you also miss out on most of the physical affection, and that can get weird. For myself, there are many, many times when I just want to hold my best friend and kiss her - because I feel very much love for her, and love being around her. But I can’t, because our relationship isn’t that type, and it never will be. I have found that the “frustration” of being in love with her and being her best friend sometimes makes me not want to talk to her, because it hurts sometimes to see her and talk to her, knowing that I can only ever be her friend. And in those times when I force myself not to communicate with her for a week or so, it really hurts and I miss her very much.
It’s quite possible that your ex is experiencing that now: he loves you, maybe a lot, but being with you so much simply reminds him of what he can’t have - he can’t have you as his lover. If both of you, or even one of you, have moved on and got a new lover, that will complicate things no-end. If you have a lover, your ex will be feeling oddly jealous because he still loves you. That will confuse him, because he knows he has no right to be jealous, but your close friendship and regular contact keep him too attached to you. If he’s got a new lover, he will be feeling guilty that he’s stealing love from her to give to you, and that he’s spending too much time with you and not enough with her. If neither of you have a new lover yet, he’s likely just confused and mixed up because you’re not together as lovers, yet it still kinda feels like that because you see each other so often. He will likely still very much want to touch you in all the ways he used to: he sees you and remembers the girl / woman he loved and still loves, yet you are now just out of reach.
Provided you are both still single, I think you should give serious consideration to getting back together. I don’t know what drove you apart, but it’s very clear that you both still love each other. You clearly still love him, otherwise you wouldn’t want to be spending so much time with him and you likely wouldn’t miss him enough to come to Quora to ask for our advice. Please sit down and have a good think through why you broke up and whether that thing is really a deal-breaker. If you really can’t see yourselves getting back together, then you need to dial the relationship back a few notches: you just can’t keep up this level of regular contact and let your ex be so in love with you. It’s hurting his heart and he’s really struggling to maintain things as they are. I’m not blaming you, BTW, just saying.
Blessings to you, my friend. I pray and hope that you will have the courage to have a good think about this whole situation and start making the changes that are going to be healthy and bless you and your ex for the long-term. Please don’t be afraid to make changes, whether that means getting back together and working stuff out, or dialing back the relationships to give you both space to seek others and to move on properly. May you find peace and release from this odd situation, and may you both find the love and support and companionship you deserve: either with each other or with someone new.
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